


Signs of Life

by ThatDamnKennedyKid



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alpha!Jiyong, Alpha!Seunghyun, Alpha!Yongbae, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Gender Issues, Identity Issues, M/M, Omega!Daesung, Omega!Seungri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7154222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnKennedyKid/pseuds/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Should have been an alpha, born an omega. Missing nothing but the knot. Seungri had been suppressing since his first heat, living his life as a beta, if unable to gain the status he should have had. But, perhaps, just maybe, he forgot to acknowledge there was another omega in the group who didn't see his status as less than any other. </p><p>(Cross-posted from AFF)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Signs of Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RcA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RcA/gifts).



Seungri rolled off Daesung, letting the elder relax and breathe through the afterglow of his final orgasm. He didn't stay beside him very long, getting up to go shower. 

"Where are you going?" Daesung asked, eyes shaded in the thickness of his hair.

"To shower. I've got your slick all down the front of me and it's a little gross."

The omega's warm eyes shrivelled into cold obsidian and he let out a tired sigh. "You know where it is."

Seungri didn't think any harder on it until he came out of the shower, completely dressed once more to find Daesung still in the same place that he was before he'd went in, covered in dried slick and come and staring aimlessly out his apartment window, watching the evening clouds and expression void. "Do you want to cuddle?"

"No. You can go."

"You sure? Omegas usually want-"

"Like you'd know what an omega would want." Daesung finally stood, hair covering his eyes completely and his lower face completely unreadable. "Leaving wasn't a suggestion."

* * *

"I just don't know what he wants!" Seungri ranted. "One moment he's all over me and the next he's throwing me out of his apartment so coldly!"

Yongbae sipped from his glass and watched silently as Seungri huffed petulantly. 

"Are you not going to say anything?"

"I don't think you want me to say what I'm thinking."

"Just spit it out, Bae."

"You're an omega, Seungri. You can't keep treating him like he's something less than you just because he goes through heats and you don't."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"He goes to you because being with another omega is supposed to make him more comfortable with how gross and hard it is to go through a heat." Yongbae set his cup down and stared at his maknae. "And here you come along, an omega trying his hardest to be anything but, and make him feel like shit."

"How did I make him feel like shit? I didn't do anything wrong!"

Yongbae cocked an eyebrow. "You told him his slick is disgusting and that you didn't want it on you. You left him laying there in bed, dehydrated and exhausted, craving to be reassured that you didn't use him for an easy fuck and that he at least means something to you as a human being and you go and shower yourself. You could have offered to help clean him up. He's probably sore as hell from getting fucked for three days and dehydrated as hell because if you didn't think to bathe him, you didn't think to hydrate him. You didn't clean his sheets, didn't air out his apartment, didn't get him pain killers or even think to offer any of it."

Seungri made a face. "Daesung knows I was just helping him through a heat. There was nothing personal about it."

Yongbae sat forward, arms crossed on the table. "Seungri, this is what you're  _supposed to do_  as a heat-carer. You're supposed to at least clean him up and get him a Gatorade and a hug. You just . . . " The singer huffed in frustration. " _Betas_  don't even do that, man."

"I'm not his boyfriend." Seungri protested, standing. "And I don't owe him anything. I didn't ask to fuck him, he asked  _me_."

Yongbae lounged back in his chair, lips pursed and fingers woven together on his stomach. "You're right. He's not your boyfriend and you don't have to do any of those things. Trust me, everyone in Bigbang is aware of the distaste you have for omegas. So, if you're going to treat all omegas like shit, the least you can do is treat the omega that is Daesung like a decent human being. That can't be too hard, can it?" Yongbae threw money onto the table to cover their coffees and stood. He was shorter than Seungri, but he definitely had an alpha's prescence. "If he ever asks you to help him again, tell him no."

"Wait, wait. You just can't walk out on me like that!"

Yongbae shrugged as he walked away. "Now imagine what it felt like to be Daesung."

* * *

Seungri knocked on the door to Daesung's apartment. Yongbae had been particularly cold at their meeting three days ago and he couldn't get over the other man's anger, how he'd been so callous. 

"He's not home."

Seungri spun around to a male alpha standing in his doorway across the hall. "What?"

"He's not there, beta. Went with one of his alpha friends."

"Do you, uh, know which one?"

The stranger stared him down. "Nope."

"Well, thanks anyway."

He got in his car and sat with himself for a long moment.  _Beta_. That man had called him a  _beta._ That meant that his suppressants were covering off his smell, too, and he was completely blank. Good. He didn't want anyone to know him as an omega, to think of him like one. 

He wondered who Daesung had gone out with. Yongbae, Jiyong and Seunghyun were all alphas and Daesung had some other alpha friends aside from that, like Chaerin and Sandara. He wondered which house Daesung would be at, who he'd be with. For a moment, he wondered if Daesung was out getting fucked by somebody, but dismissed the idea. Daesung didn't do sex outside of his heats. 

That settled, he decided to just wait and come back another day.

* * *

Seungri never did make it back. The next couple of days, Seungri was books back to back on shows and recordings, featuring in things for Jiyong and working with some of YG's younger groups to produce music. Jiyong may be the golden boy, but Seungri wasn't far behind, writing all of his own solo work and influencing the score that went on behind it. Needless to say, he worked around, trying his best to do whatever he could between his world trips and his time spent learning his fans' native languages. Over the last two years, he'd mastered Japanese and Mandarin, working now on his Thai, English having fallen by the wayside, somewhat, with Yongbae and Jiyong handling those cards. He got himself busy and didn't make time for Daesung - or anyone, really - unless they specifically asked him to. 

"Have you spoken with Daesung lately?" Jiyong asked one day while they were recording.

"Uh, no. Last time we talked was around his last heat."

Jiyong looked at him strangely out of the corner of his eye. "Seunghyun took care of his last heat, and me before that."

"Shit. It's been nine months?"

"Time flies, doesn't it?"

Seungri sat back from the console, considering this new turn of events. "We start touring for MADE soon, don't we?"

Jiyong pushed some freshly red hair from his face. "Yes we do."

"And I haven't seen Daesung in almost a year."

"Yup."

"And this year's final heat begins soon."

"Sure does."

"I should offer to help him."

"That may not be the best idea." Jiyong sat forward on the console, twisting a knob to get a better baseline.

"Why not?"

"Well, the last time you did, you weren't very good at it, if what Yongbae says is true."

Seungri hissed under his breath. "Fucking gossip."

"Not to mention that Seunghyun's planning to ask him to be his mate soon."

"Mate?!"

Jiyong looked at him again, oddly. "Yeah? Seunghyun's been in love with Daesung since forever and they've been going on dates on and off for the last year or so. Mostly dinner and movies at each other's houses, but dates nonetheless."

"Then how come Daesung let us help him through heats if he was with Seunghyun?"

Jiyong shrugged. "We're like a pack, Seungri. Daesung is the kind of person who likes to share himself and let people get emotionally connect through physical bonding. He could be on suppressants, like you, but he likes sharing his heats with us to form a pack bond. He likes that closeness."

Seungri couldn't maintain eye contact. If that was true, and Daesung had never spent a heat alone since he came off his suppressants, then why had he only come to Seungri a couple of times before? They'd been together ten years and he'd only gotten to sleep with the other man maybe three times. "Why wouldn't he include me in that?"

"He has. Well, he  _tried_. You're more of an  _in and out_  kind of guy. Dae likes to take his time with us, sleep and cuddle and talk."

"What does he talk with you about?"

"I like to talk music. I talk about album themes, lyrics, scores, composition tricks, the new YG groups. Sometimes he asks me for fashion advice, what kinds of clothes would look best on his kind of frame and how best to wear them. Last time, he wanted me to play with his hair. We would up accidentally finding a style he really liked and that became his hair now."

"The one that covers his eyes?"

Jiyong looked affronted. "You really haven't seen him in nine months, have you?"

"What? I've been busy. I can't help it."

Jiyong shrugged. "No need to get defensive. I was just making a statement."

"It really feels like you're trying to imply something."

Jiyong rolled his eyes, reaching for a coffee cup. "I'm not dealing with you if you're going to be like this."

"So you are!"

Jiyong wheeled around on him, mouth set straight and glare impressive. "I'm not someone who has the right to preach to you about not being selfish or being a good person because, God knows, I've been selfish most of my life and an asshole the rest. But something I do know a hell of a lot about is being yourself. You and I both know that I'm the last person an elderly conservative would want as the posterboy for male alphas. But I've let that stop me from doing whatever the fuck I want and being who I am. It's pathetic when someone tries to shy away from what they are for the sake of people who don't and won't ever know their name. It's sad and I feel bad for them, not strong enough to embrace what they were given and be proud of it."

"Way to be transphobic, Ji."

"Prick. You know that's not what I'm talking about." His galre sharpened. "Being an alpha male in a female omega's body or any such combination is different from being so afraid of being who you are that you won't even acknowledge it." Jiyong raised an eyebrow and sat back in his chair, face still an unimpressed mask. "And there's only one of us in this room trying to live up to an impossible standard set archaically by someone else."

"I'm not afraid of being an omega!"

"Maybe, but you sure as hell aren't interested in letting anyone know you're an omega. What, do you think they'll treat you worse?"

"Omegas are the bottom of the totem pole and you know it." Seungri rebuked. "I'm not doing anything wrong by trying to keep above that."

"So . . . what does that make Daesung?"

Seungri's lips thinned to a sharp line and Jiyong assessed him, lips quirking into a grin, but eyes sharp, black and furious. 

"That's what I thought."

* * *

"Jiyong told me you were going to ask Dae to be your mate."

Seunghyun choked on his coffee and almost spit it out. Once he recovered, he met the maknae's eyes. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Been on and off for two years, he said. You like him that much?"

Seunghyun's cup settled back down onto the table and he looked out the window, thinking, silent and contemplative. "I do."

"What about him? Is it because he's an omega?"

Seunghyun shook his head. "Absolutely not. Daesung is the kind of person that I would ask to be my mate no matter his status. If he was an alpha? I'd . . . I'd be willing to let him mount me if it meant that he would be mine. I'd make sure that he would never be uncomfortable or hurt if he were a beta. It's nothing to dow ith his status, though, admittedly, him being an omega is  _very_  helpful."

"Then what is it? If it's not his omega nature . . . ?"

"Seungri, there's a lot more to a person than their status, their ability to bear children." Seunghyun responded, his smile crooked and genuine. "He's . . . beautiful. His eyes are small, his lips are big, his face is round, his teeth are crooked, his nose is large, but he could never be more perfect. His smile lights up my world and I could be in the worst mood and just listening to him laugh makes me laugh too. He never initiates skinship, but he's so open, like I can come in and hug him just because I want to. My heart speeds up when he's around and I feel so at peace when he's in my arms. I fell in love with him long before his body got rock hard, before his looks and style got better. There was just something about him, how soft he is on the inside, how deeply he cares and feels."

Seungri wasn't any of those things. Daesung was a proper omega, one that could be loved and treasured by a proper alpha like Seunghyun. "Why him, though? I'm sure you have plenty of omegas that would wilt at your feet if you let them know you were looking for a mate."

"Dae doesnt judge me." Seungrhyun replied, looking down at his now-cold coffee with a small smile. "He doesn't mind my strangeness, accepts and helps me with my weird thoughts. He likes Choi Seunghyun just as much as he likes T.O.P. and that's something I can't find in anyone else. They're not . . . They're not the same thing, the same kind of person. But he likes me, I daresay  _loves_  me either way. And that's what matters most to me. That despite it all, the quirks and the fame, that he can still come to me with a smile and enthusiasm and talk about the latest potted plant in his house."

"Sounds overrated to me."

"Well, maybe when you find a mate, you'll have your own version of this feeling." Seunghyun smiled at him again, eyes bright and glittering. "I hope you get this lucky."

Something settled in the back of Seungri's throat and it got harder to swallow. "Well, I'm glad that you're happy. Hopefully Dae will say yes."

"Yeah, hopefully."

"Ji also said that Dae gets the others to help him with his heat too. How do you feel about that?"

Seunghyun met his gaze. "What he does with his body is his choice, but I can appreicate what Dae gets out of it. I'm not in any position to stop him. If we mate, my feelings on that may change. Until then, though, it's not my business."

"So, it doesn't seem like Daesung is whoring himself out to you?"

Seunghyun looked like Seungri asked him to kill an infant. "Where the hell did you get that idea?!"

"Well, he's slept with everyone in Bigbang and who knows how many other lovers he's had just to keep up with his heats."

Seunghyun's laugh was incredulous. "Oh, so his number of partners only matters when he's taking it? What about  _your_  partners, Seungri? How many of  _them_  has there been? How many people have you fucked your way through? Or does that not matter because you used your dick and not your ass?"

"You don't have to get upset, I was just curious."

"I don't appreciate anyone insinuating anything about Daesung, not even you." Seunghyun replied, alpha protectiveness flaring heavily in the air around them. 

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, forget it."

Seunghyun rolled his shoulders and stood, making himself a new coffee. "Want to watch a movie? Dae got me into a new anime, maybe you would like to catch up with me?"

* * *

Daesung opened the door and blinked. "Seungri?"

"Hey." He smiled sheepishly. "Long time no see."

"Uh, yeah, it has been. How are you doing?"

"I've been good. Just preparing my house for the tour." Daesung stepped back. "Come on in."

"Thanks." Daesung took his coat and led him into the modest kitchen. 

"Would you like something to drink?"

"You still got sake?"

Daesung gave him something akin to a patient smile. "Of course."

"Some of that, then, please."

Daesung reached up for two glasses and a heat tray, setting it on top of his stove and setting his sake bottle in it to warm. "So, what brought you over here at this late hour? It's been quite some time since I've seen you."

"Can't I just be a good dongsaeng and some see my hyung?"

Daesung smiled again, his hair in waves framing his face rather than obscuring it. "You could. But usually social visits like that happen in the afternoon, not past nine at night."

"Busted."

Daesung laughed and leant against the counter. "What's up, then?"

Seungri shifted uncomfortably. "I heard from Jiyong that you've got a thing going on with Seunghyun?"

"Ah. Gossip, then." The older omega's smile softened but was no less genuine. "Seunghyun and I are very close, yes. I've built up a lot of intimacy with him ove rthe last two years and he's helped me through my last heat, which was very nice."

"Nothing . . .  _more_  going on, then?"

Daesung blushed. "Well, there might be. I'm not sure yet. I don't want to know until after the tour and we can calm down together without any rush."

"What do you think he's got planned?"

"He probably wants me to be his mate."

"Do you want that?"

He blushed harder and his hands tightened on the counter. "More than anything."

"Why?"

"He makes me feel wonderful. I'm the centre of his world and that's really wonderful. He doesn't like to touch or be touched, but he loves to feel and hold me, take my hand and even dance with me. I just  _know_  that he cares about me and my wellbeing. I mean a lot to him and I can  _feel_  it."

"Do you think your omega status has anything to do with that?"

Daesung met his gaze. "Of course it does."

"Doesn't it bother you any being ruled by your biology that much?"

The elder sat down beside him at the small, square table in the corner of his kitchen and took his hand, stroking over his knuckles thoughtfully. "Seunghyun."

Seungri swallowed thickly. No one in Bigbang used his real name anymore. Only YG still called him Little Seunghyun - no one else in the label did, unless Daesung was getting emotional or reprehensive with him. He didn't know which this was and it made him stiff, en garde. "Yes?"

Daesung looked sad this time, melancholy spiced with hopelessness in his gaze. "When you look at yourself, what do you see?"

"Uh, me?"

"What about you? What aspects of yourself do you see when you look in the mirror, when you see playback of our performances or when you've been on a show? What do you see when you see yourself?"

That took him back a little bit. "Well, I think about my fashion, if I looked good or not. If I'm on stage or a variety show, I wonder if I was funny and if the audience liked me. If it's a drama, I think about if my acting was good, what people think of my character. When I look in the mirror, I think about my hair and if I should stop bleaching it because I think it's doing damage but I still like the colour and the tour hasn't even started."

"And what do you see when you look at me?"

His confusion was mounting. "Well, I noticed you changed your hair style, which I like. You look really good. I notice your clothes and if your voice is doing well or not. I think about what the fans see and think that they'll really like your style for the tour."

Daesung nodded, still tracing his knuckles. "Alright."

"If you don't mind me asking, why does that even matter?"

"Because not once did you bring up either of us being omegas."

He blinked. "That's because neither of us are visibly omegas."

Daesung met his gaze then, steady and contemplative. "No?"

"Well, no." He shied away from the elder. 

"I go through regular quarterly heats. I don't use any scent blockers. I don't do anything to hide my omega status and still, you don't notice it." Daesung cocked his head. "I am the perfect male omega. I even have a pack mentailty, where I've slept with each member of my pseudo family. I will continue to do so until I take a permanent mate. I love them all. I am the stereotypical ideal of an omega in all of my actions. But you don't think of me that way."

"You might be, but your body isn't close to a normal omegas."

"Because I'm tall and muscular? What aout Jiyong, then? Is he not considered an alpha because of how he looks?"

"Well, he's an alpha no matter what. Everyone will acknowledge that."

Daesung sat back and let go of his hand. He watched the younger man for a long moment before he stood up, bringing over the sake and the glasses. "You asked me if my omega status matters in my developing relationship with Seunghyun."

Seungri cautiously took the cup Daesung handed him. "I did."

"In practical terms, it only does a little bit. It makes sex a whole lot easier and quarterly sex marathons aren't bad either. In emotional terms, it doesn't. There is nothing in my omega biology that says I have to fall for Seunghyun because he's an alpha. But to me, being an omega is intrinsic to who I am. My gender has allowed me to get to know my bandmates in a way I couldn't have otherwise. It is part of who I am, essential in how I see myself. If I wasn't an omega, the Daesung sitting in front of you would not be the same. I couldn't be. I could have the same looks, the same personality, the same emotions, but there are things that being an omega have allowed me to experienece and I wouldn't be the same person without them. My status does not come before or after who I am as a person because it's a part of me, just like it's a part of you. The difference between us is that I'm not sorry."

Seungri flinched, very visibly, but Daesung's face was still impassive. "I'm not sorry that I'm an omega."

"That doesn't mean you don't regret it, that you didn't wish it was otherwise."

He had no response to that. 

Daesung tossed back his sake and sighed heavily, like a wearied parent. "You're so desperate to understand me, how my status fits into all of this. Are you trying to understand me better or trying to reason out why I'm fine and you suffer?"

Seungri's gaze fell to his lap. "Being an omega sucks. Heats are disgusting and everyone looks at you like you're dirt, like some walking sextoy. I'm not weak like that. I'm not the meek little housekeeper in dramas or ads. I'm not cute, I'm not maternal, I don't want your fucking babies. I'm not going to let you position me and fuck me however you want. I'm not your shy highschool sweetheart and I won't blush when you compliment me. I'm not going to bat my eyelashes at you because _Oh my, this handsome alpha chose me to talk to, I'm so lucky!_  I'm not some object you're free to leer over, make suggestive comments at or expect to drop to my knees to suck your gross-ass dick. I'm a human being and I won't give you so much as a second of my time ifi you can't acknowledge that. I'm worth every achievement that I've gotten and all the fame. I'm not your baby, I'm not your little omega princess. I won't lay down. I fucking won't!"

Silence stretched around them for nearly ten minutes before Daesung got up. "See? You don't actually know what it feels like to be an omega."

Seungri slammed his hands down on the table, rife with anger. "Then what the fuck is it? Tell me, oh great and wise one - what the fuck am I missing?!"

Daesung levelled him with a look. "Don't you  _dare_  to ever raise your voice at me in my own home  _ever again_ , do you understand?"

Seungri sat back down instead of apologizing.

"Whenever I'm not in heat, I don't think about my status." Daesung said, looking off out the kitchen window. "I don't think about how I'm an omega. I don't act according to the constant realization in the back of my head that I'm an omega. I don't buy clothes or perform or get up thinking about my status. I don't care about it. I don't think about it the same way you don't think about having arms. It's just a useful part of my biology I get to enjoy four times a year." He met Seungri's eyes. "Don't tell me you don't think about it constantly. Wondering what people think of you, if they notice you smell like nothing, if they can guess you're on suppressants, heat blockers and slick blockers, right?"

Seungri had no answer. 

"And that's what I mean." Daesung sat down again and took his hand once more. "You don't know what it feels like to be an omega because you have torn yourself in half and strangled one half into silence. I'm not judging you for not wanting to slick, to heat, to bear scent. But you and I both know you're doing it for the wrong reasons. It's not that you're more comfortable or productive or happy suppressing. You're hiding."

Seungri was trembling as Daesung's raspy voice faded out into the silence of the apartment. "You make it sound so fucking easy."

Daesung chuckled. "You make it sound really difficult." He held the maknae's hand tighter. "Come here."

Seungri crawled into the other omega's lap, wrapping himself around the larger male like a koala and clinging as the sobs started. 

* * *

"It's taken a long time to get here."

His eyes flickered to the side and he could see Daesung, Seunghyun's black leather collar around his neck. Alongside him were Yongbae and Jiyong, as well as his new mate, Seunghyun, with a matching collar strapped to his neck. He had his arm around Daesung's shoulders and was grinning madly. The other omega gave him a kind smile and an encouraging nod. 

"What changed?" The host asked, observing him. 

He looked around the room, hundreds of people watching him in the studio, millions more hidden behind the lens of the camera pointed his way. He wondered what they thought of him, what their reactions to his news was, then dismissed the thought. 

"Daesung."

"Oh? What about him?"

"Firstly, he's a saint." The theatre chuckled. "He was the one with the most unfortunate task. I'm luck he succeeded."

"What did he do?"

"He made me realize that I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for being outgoing, independant, carefree, explorative, demanding and probably most imporantly, an omega."


End file.
